A wife was berating her husband...
A wife was berating her husband. He motioned for her to quiet down saying, "Don't unleash the beast in me."The wife snickered and replied, "Unlike a lot of women, 'dear', I'm not the least bit afraid of a mouse."

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon...
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365:"Shall We Gather at the River."