Anniversary
A guy says, "For our Twentieth Anniversary, I'm taking my wife to Australia."

His friend says, "That's going to be tough to beat. What are you going to do for your Twenty-fifth Anniversary?"

The first guy says, "I'm going to go back and get her."

Bank customer service
"I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance ... she leaned over and pushed me."