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10 Things You Never Hear in Church
1. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew.

2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25
minutes over time.

3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than
golf.

4. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used
to send to TV evangelists.

5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior
High Sunday School class.

6. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay our
pastor so he can live like we do.

7. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!

8. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.

9. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in
the Bahamas.

10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like
our annual stewardship campaign!

A farmer and his girlfriend...
A farmer and his girlfriend were out for a stroll in the fields when they came across a cow and a calf rubbing noses."Boy," said the farmer, "that sure makes me want to do the same.""Well, go ahead," said his girlfriend. "It's your cow."

Latest Joke Fight Results:

• A walking economy was a winner against An Unusual Prayer
• A man with a pegleg, hook hand and... was a winner against Give a man a fish
• A guy in a bar was a winner against A stolen credit card
• Anniversary was a winner against A Bee at a Bar Mitzvah
• Tongue Twisters was a winner against 7 Word Obituary
• A stolen credit card was a winner against A guy is down on his luck. He takes his last $500...
• A lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven... was a winner against Be Quiet in Church
• A preacher was completing a temperance sermon... was a winner against An invisible man is here to see you
• Be Quiet in Church was a winner against 45 or 82?
• A staged wedding to bust dealers was a winner against A man and his Alligator