A preacher was completing a temperance sermon...
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365:"Shall We Gather at the River."
A man worries
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman
will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
A woman worries about the future until she
gets a husband. A man never worries about the
future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money
than his wife can spend. A successful woman is
one who can find such a man.
To be happy with a man you must understand
him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with
a woman you must love her a lot & not try to
understand her at all.
Married men live longer than single men, but
married men are a lot more willing to die.
Any married man should forget his mistakes-there's
no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to
bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change,
but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting
that she won't change & she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning
of a new one.