Bank customer service
"I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance ... she leaned over and pushed me."

A famous General dies...
The famous general died and his ashes were to be taken to
Arlington National Cemetery. All the airlines were booked
and there were no other planes available. Someone came up
with the idea of using a helicopter. It arrived at five
a.m. The newspapers reported the incident with "the whirly
bird gets the urn".