After many years of trying to find steady work...
After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

A famous General dies...
The famous general died and his ashes were to be taken to
Arlington National Cemetery. All the airlines were booked
and there were no other planes available. Someone came up
with the idea of using a helicopter. It arrived at five
a.m. The newspapers reported the incident with "the whirly
bird gets the urn".