Dumb.com >> Jokefight
Vote For Your Favorite Joke

I can't decide!

A DIET PRAYER
Lord, My soul is ripped with riot
incited by my wicked diet.

"We Are What We Eat," said a wise old man!
Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can.
To rise on Judgment Day, it's plain!
With my present weight, I'll need a crane.

So grant me strength, that I may not fall
into the clutches of cholesterol.
May my flesh with carrot-curls be dated,
that my soul may be poly unsaturated

And show me the light, that I may bear witness
to the President's Council on Physical Fitness.
And at oleo margarine I'll never mutter,
for the road to Hell is spread with butter.

And cream is cursed; and cake is awful;
and Satan is hiding in every waffle.
Mephistopheles lurks in provolone;
the Devil is in each slice of baloney,

Beelzebub is a chocolate drop,
and Lucifer is a lollipop.
Give me this day my daily slice
Cut it thin and toast it twice.

I beg upon my dimpled knees,
deliver me from jujube's.
And when my days of trial are done,
and my war with malted milk is won,

Let me stand with Heavenly throng,
In a shining robe -- size 30 long.
I can do it Lord, if you'll show to me,
the virtues of lettuce and celery.

Teach me the evil of mayonnaise,
And of pasta a la Milanese
and crisp-fried chicken from the South.
Lord, if you love me, shut my mouth.

Amen




A political man to a woman...
A political man to a woman, "You look beautiful today!!!!"The woman replied, "Thanks, but unfortunately I could not say the same about you.""Sure you could!!" said the political man, "if you could lie as well as I do!"



Latest Joke Fight Results:

  • Baptism Preparations was a winner against A Manager of a retail clothing store is reviewing...
  • Billy Gates writes to Santa was a winner against Businessman is dying
  • Businessman is dying was a winner against Funny News Headlines
  • A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American... was a winner against A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for...
  • Funny News Headlines was a winner against An old occupation
  • Business one-liners 61 was a winner against A redneck gets shot
  • A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist... was a winner against An engineer, doctor, and pastor golfing
  • Give a man a fish was a winner against A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for...
  • A boy comes home from school and tells his mother... was a winner against A woman had some problems, so she went to her doctor...
  • Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole... was a winner against Can I take his place?