Animals go to Heaven
A cat and a mouse died on the same day and went up to Heaven. At the top they met God and he asked them 'How do you like it so far?'

The mouse replied 'It's great, but can I get a pair of roller skates?' God said 'Sure', and he gave him a pair of roller skates.

The next day God saw the cat and asked him 'How do you like it up here so far?' and the cat replied 'Great, I didn't know you had meals on wheels up here!'

A boy comes home from school and tells his mother...
A boy comes home from school and tells his mother that he got a part in the school play. "What part?" the mother asked."I play a Jewish husband," the boy replied. "Go back to school and tell your teacher that you want a speaking role!"