Animals go to Heaven
A cat and a mouse died on the same day and went up to Heaven. At the top they met God and he asked them 'How do you like it so far?'

The mouse replied 'It's great, but can I get a pair of roller skates?' God said 'Sure', and he gave him a pair of roller skates.

The next day God saw the cat and asked him 'How do you like it up here so far?' and the cat replied 'Great, I didn't know you had meals on wheels up here!'

A Big Glass of Water
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says:

"Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."

Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers:

"Jeez doc, exactly what's my problem?"

Doctor says,

"You're not drinking enough water."