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An Honest Lawyer
What do you call an honest lawyer?

An oxymoron.

A Short Time to Live
A man hasn't been fealing well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup.

Afterward the doctor comes out with the results.

"I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left."

"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?"

"Ten," the doctor says sadly.

"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!"

"Nine..."



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  • Aircraft Carrier won 50.15% of the times
  • A guy is down on his luck. He takes his last $500... won 50.47% of the times