A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer's tedious argument
A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer's tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed the trial along. The attorney had bristled at the judge's orders, and their tempers grew hot. Finally, frustrated with another repetition of arguments he had heard many times before, the judge pointed to his ear and said, "Counselor, you should be aware that at this point, what you are saying is just going in one ear and out the other."

"Your honor," replied the lawyer, "That goes without saying. What is there to prevent it?"

A couple have not been getting along for years...
A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks,"I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday."Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and thistime he doesn't get her anything.She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"