Absentminded Doctor to Patient
After a relaxing vacation, the doctor go in to see his
patient. The doctor says, "I have some bad news and some even
worse news. The bad new is you only have a week to live."

The patient replies, "Oh my God! What could be worse?"

The doctor replies, "I should have told you last week."

A truck driver who had been delivering radioactive waste...
A truck driver who had been delivering radioactive waste for the local reactor begins to feel sick after a few years on the job. He decided to seek compensation for his ailment. Upon his arrival at the workers' compensation department, he is interviewed by an assessor. Assessor: I see you work with radioactive materials and wish to claim compensation. Trucker: Yeah, I feel really sick. Assessor: Alright then, Does your employer take measures to protect you from radiation poisoning? Trucker: Yeah, he gives me a lead suit to wear on the job. Assessor: And what about the cabin in which you drive? Trucker: Oh yeah. That's lead lined, all lead lined. Assessor: What about the waste itself? Where is that kept? Trucker: Oh, the stuff is held in a lead container, all lead. Assessor: Let me see if I get this straight. You wear a lead suit, sit in a lead-lined cabin and the radioactive waste is kept in a lead container. Trucker: Yeah, that?s right. All lead. Assessor: Then I can't see how you could claim against him for radiation poisoning. Trucker: I'm not. I claiming for lead poisoning.