10 Things You Never Hear in Church
1. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew.

2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25
minutes over time.

3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than
golf.

4. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used
to send to TV evangelists.

5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior
High Sunday School class.

6. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay our
pastor so he can live like we do.

7. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!

8. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.

9. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in
the Bahamas.

10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like
our annual stewardship campaign!

7 Word Obituary
A woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama goes
into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for
her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor
informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a
word.

She pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it
read, 'Billy Bob died'."

Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, "Sorry ma'am,
there is a
7 word minimum on all obituaries."

Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a few
seconds
says, "In that case, let it read, 'Billy Bob died - 1983
Pick-up for
sale.'"