10 Good Things About The Flu
10. No one wants to come near you.

9. You can legally take sedatives.

8. You realize guests on daytime talk shows have worse lives than you do.

7. You get away with being rude, obnoxious and surly.

6. You can smell like a baboon's butt and nobody complains.

5. You can shlep about the house unwashed and in your housecoat all day.

4. No matter how bad you feel, it's still better than how you felt after last month's tequila 'n' gin party.

3. Star Trek re-runs.

2. Your dog is allowed on the bed.

1. You get to pass the virus on to those you really dislike.

Bulls Survive Tornado
There was a farmer who had a lot of live stock. He had
cows, horses, chickens, pigs, and bulls. One day a terrible
twister came and the man and his family were only saved by
throwing themselves in the nearest ditch. After it was all
over, he looked up to see that the house was gone. Saddened
by the loss, he went out to see if any of the animals had
survived. The horses, chickens, pigs, and cows were laid out
flat but the bulls were standing! The farmer was amazed and
asked them, "How is it that all the other animals are down
and you are still standing?" The bulls replied, "We bulls
wobble but we don't fall down!"