A Mexican bandit made a
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time, robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, DEAD or ALIVE!

A trigger happy, young, enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track down the bandit on his own and collect the reward. After a lengthy search, the Ranger tracked the bandit to his favorite cantina and snuck up behind him. At the sound of the Ranger's guns cocking and preparing to fire, the surprised bandit sped around only to see both of the Ranger's six-shooters bearing down on him.

The Ranger announced, ''You're under arrest! Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll drop you where you stand,'' his finger becoming itchy on the trigger.

However, the bandit didn't speak English and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. Fortunately for the Ranger, a bilingual lawyer was present in the cantina and translated the Ranger's demand to the bandit. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried next to an old oak tree behind the cantina.

''What did he say, what did he say?'', the Ranger hurriedly asked.

To which the lawyer replied, ''Well, the best I can make out he said ... DRAW!''

A local United Way office realized that...
A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um...no." "-or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted, "-or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?" The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again: "-so if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"