A real dilemma
I have this friend who has a real dilemma. His wife won't give him a divorce until she figures out a way of doing it without making him a happy man.

A famous General dies...
The famous general died and his ashes were to be taken to
Arlington National Cemetery. All the airlines were booked
and there were no other planes available. Someone came up
with the idea of using a helicopter. It arrived at five
a.m. The newspapers reported the incident with "the whirly
bird gets the urn".