Boys and Girls
"Equal" is not always synonymous with "the same." Men and
women are created equal. But, boys and girls are not born the
same.

1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in
the nose. You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to
catch it. Then it will hit him in the nose.

2. You dress your little girl in her Easter Sunday best, and
she'll look just as pretty when you finally make it to church
an hour later. You dress a boy in his Easter Sunday best, and
he'll somehow find every mud puddle from your home to the
church, even if you're driving there.

3. Boys' rooms are usually messy. Girls' rooms are usually
messy, except it's a good smelling mess.

4. A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in wonderment
at what nature has made. A baby boy will pick up a stick and
turn it into a gun.

5. When girls play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to
dress them up and play house with them. When boys play with
Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to tear off their
appendages.

6. Boys couldn't care less if their hair is unruly. If their
bangs got cut a quarter-inch too short, girls would rather
lock themselves in their room for two weeks than be seen in
public.

7. Baby girls find mommy's makeup and almost instinctively
start painting their face. Baby boys find mommy's makeup and
almost instinctively start painting the walls.

8. If a girl accidently burps, she will be embarrassed. If a
boy accidently burps, he will follow it with a dozen fake
belches.

9. Boys grow their fingernails long because because they're
too lazy to cut them. Girls grow their fingernails long - not
because they look nice - but because they can dig them into a
boys arm.

10. Girls are attracted to boys, even at an early age. At an
early age, boys are attracted to dirt.

11. By the age of 6, boys will stop giving their dad kisses.
By the age of 6, girls will stop giving their dad kisses
unless he bribes them with candy.

12. Most baby girls talk before boys do. Before boys talk,
they learn how to make machine-gun noises.

13. Girls will cry if someone dies in a movie. Boys will cry
if you turn off the TV after they've watched "Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles" movie three times in a row.

14. Girls turn into women. Boys turn into bigger boys.

Be Politically Correct With Men
How To Be Politically Correct With Men

He does not have a FAT BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.

He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He is a SWINE EMPATHIZING BIGOT.

He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.

He does not STINK - He has HYGIENE AVERSION SYNDROME.

He is not OBSESSED WITH TELEVISED SPORTS - He has AN ATHLETIC TELEVISUAL ADDICTION.

He does not IGNORE YOU - He has ATTENTION SPAN DEFICIT DISORDER.

He is not a LAZY, MESSY SLOB - He LACKS HAND-VACUUM COORDINATION.

He does not tell ENDLESS, BORING, UNFUNNY JOKES - He is HUMORLY OVER-CONFIDENT.