A drunk stumbles along a Baptismal servi...
A drunk stumbles along a Baptismal service on a Sunday
afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to stumble down
into the water and stands next to the Minister. The Minister
turns, notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk looks back and says, "Yes sir, I am."

The Minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls
him right back up.

"Have you found Jesus?" the Minister asked.

"No, I didnt!" said the drunk.

The Minister then dunks him under for a quite a bit longer,
brings him up and says, "Now brother, have you found Jesus?"

"No, I did not!" said the drunk again.

Disgusted, the Minister holds the man under for at least 30
seconds this time, brings him up and demands, "For the grace
of God, have you found Jesus yet?"

The old drunk wipes his eyes and pleads, "Are you sure this
is where he fell in?"

A College Student’s Night Before Christmas
A College Student’s Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before finals, and all through the college,
The students were praying for last minute knowledge.
Most were quite sleepy, but none touched their beds,
While visions of essays danced in their heads.

Out in the taverns, a few were still drinking,
And hoping that liquor would loosen their thinking.
In my own apartment, I had been pacing,
And dreading exams I soon would be facing.

My roommate was speechless, his nose in his books,
And my comments to him drew unfriendly looks.
I drained all the coffee, And brewed a new pot,
No longer caring hat my nerves were so shot.

I stared at my notes, but my thoughts were so muddy,
My eyes went ablur, I just couldn’t study.
“Some pizza might help,”I said with a shiver,
But each place I called refused to deliver.

I’d nearly concluded that life was too cruel,
With futures depending on grades had in school.
When all of a sudden, our door opened wide,
And Patron Saint Put It Off ambled inside.

Her spirit was careless, her manner was mellow,
With her eyes open wide she started to bellow:
“What kind of student would make such a fuss,
To toss back at teachers what they tossed at us?”

“On Cliff Notes! On Crib Notes! on Last Year’s Exams!
On Wingit and Slingit, and Last Minute Crams!”
Her message delivered, she vanished from sight,
But we heard her laughing outside in the night.

“Your teachers have pegged you, so just do your best.
Happy Finals to All, and to All, a good test.”