Bad Couch Trip
I've been feeling down for so long that I finally decided to
seek the aid of a psychiatrist.
I went there, laid on the couch, spilled my guts then waited
for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make me feel
better.
The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes
then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled
look on his face.
Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and
said, "Ummmmm, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is
very common among losers."
A test for being drunk
A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes.
He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then we need a urine sample."
"I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."
"Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm too drunk to do that!"