A Change Of Vows
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer."Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "I do."Then, he leaned toward the pastor and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."The pastor put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back, "She mademe a much better offer."

A Night at the Asylum
Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another one said, "How do you know?"

First inmate answers, "Winston Churchill told me!"

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"