A stolen credit card
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping...
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor."Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?""That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."