An old drunk stumbles into a confessional...
An old drunk stumbles into a confessional. After not hearing anything for a while the Priest knocked on the wall. The drunk said forget it buddy there's no paper in here either.

A man went to the police station wishing to speak...
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"