10 Things You Never Hear in Church
1. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew.

2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25
minutes over time.

3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than
golf.

4. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used
to send to TV evangelists.

5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior
High Sunday School class.

6. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay our
pastor so he can live like we do.

7. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!

8. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.

9. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in
the Bahamas.

10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like
our annual stewardship campaign!

A RVing couple
A RVing couple, both born the same year and
month, were celebrating their 60th birthdays.
During the celebration, a fairy appeared and
said that because they had been so loving she
would grant them each one wish.

Very excited, the wife said that since she
had already visited most of North America in
her RV she would like to visit Europe. The fairy
waved her magic wand; airline tickets instantly
appeared in her hand.

Then it was the husband's turn. He paused for
a moment, then said with a sly look, "Well, I'd
like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy waved her wand, and presto, he was
90.