Baptism Preparations
Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young
father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are
you prepared for it?"

"I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made appetizers
and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and
cakes for all of our guests."

"I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you
prepared spiritually?"

"Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a
case of whiskey."

Ape Reading List
One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orangutan was
reading two books -- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of
Species.

In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both
those books?"

"Well," said the orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was
my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."