Bacon tree
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death.

They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when
all of a sudden...

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I is sure of eet".

"Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee".

So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back
bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you can imagine!!

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree".

"Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert, don' forget".

"Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell of bacon...ees no
meerage, ees a bacon tree".

And with that...Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres,

Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens
fire, and Luis is cut down is his tracks.

It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.

"Pepe...go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree"

"Luis, Luis mi amigo...what ees eet?"

"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree.... Ees, a Ham Bush"

3 men in Saudi
An American, a Dutchman and a Frenchman are in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze.

Then Saudi police rush in and arrest them.

The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia.

For the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished.

The extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each with a whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The Dutchman was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back."

This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Frenchman was next up. After watching the Dutchman in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back."

But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Frenchman was soon led away whimpering loudly.

The American was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," the American replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face.

"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish, what is it to be?" the Sheikh asked.

The American replied: "Tie the Frenchman to my back."

Submitted by Yisman
Edited by Curtis