Before and After in Marriage
Before - You take my breath away.
After - I feel like I'm suffocating.
Before - She loves the way I take control of a Situation.
After - She called me a controlling, manipulative, egomaniac.
Before - Ricky & Lucy.
After - Fred & Ethel.
Before - Saturday Night Live.
After - Monday Night Football.
Before - He makes me feel like a million dollars.
After - If I had a dime for every stupid thing he's done...
Before - Is that all you are eating?
After - Maybe you should just have a salad, honey.
Before - Wheel of Fortune.
After - Jeopardy.
Before - It's like living a dream.
After - It's a nightmare.
Before - Turbocharged.
After - Needs a jump-start
Before - We agree on everything!
After - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?
Before - Idol.
After - Idle.
Before - He's lost without me.
After - Why can't he ask for directions?
Before - When together, time stands still.
After - This relationship is going nowhere.
Before - Oysters.
After - Fishsticks.
Before - I can hardly believe we found each other.
After - How did I end up with someone like you?
2 Mexicans
A Border Patrol agent is on duty. He spots two Mexicans and runs them down. They show him their papers (he thinks they are phony).
He tells them, "O.K. I have a test for you. I want you to use the words 'cheese' and 'liver' in a sentence."
So, the first guy says, "I made a liver and cheese sandwich for lunch."
The agent says, "That was good, you can go. What about you?" he asks the second guy.
He says, "Liver alone. Cheese mine."