Dumb.com >> Jokefight
Vote For Your Favorite Joke

I can't decide!

A very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatrist...
A very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatrist. She walked into his office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely.I don't have any friends, no man will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?""I'm sure I can," the psychiatrist replied. "Just go over and lie face down on that couch."

A certain lawyer was
A certain lawyer was quite wealthy and had a summer house in the country, to which he retreated for several weeks every year. Each summer, the lawyer would invite a different friend of his (no, that's not the punch line) to spend a week or two at this home, which happened to be in a backwoods.

On one particular occasion, he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to stay with him. The friend, eager to get a freebie off a lawyer, agreed. They had a splendid time in the country - rising early and living in the great outdoors.

Early one morning, the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian companion went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they went around the berry patch, gathering blueberries and raspberries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge Bears - a male and a female. The lawyer, seeing the two bears and sensing danger, immediately dashed for cover. His friend, however, being ignorant of nature, was not so lucky. The male bear charged the paralyzed Czechoslovakian, then swallowed him whole.

The lawyer, instilled with fright, rushed back to his car and sped into town to get the local sheriff. The sheriff, upon hearing the lawyer's unsettling story, grabbed his rifle and dashed back to the berry patch with the lawyer following closely behind.

Sure enough, the two bears were still there. ''He's in THAT one!'', cried the lawyer, pointing to the male, all the while visions of lawsuits from his friend's family lagged in the back of his mind. He just had to save his friend. The sheriff looked at the two bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his rifle, took careful aim, and SHOT THE FEMALE.

''What did you do that for!'', exclaimed the lawyer, ''I said he was in the other one!''

''Exactly,'' replied the sheriff, ''Would YOU believe a lawyer who told you the Czech was in the male?''



Latest Joke Fight Results:

  • Buy machine factory was a winner against And Jesus said unto his disciples...
  • A way to save your marriage was a winner against A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist...
  • Application rejections was a winner against A Problem of Problems
  • A lawyer and an engineer was a winner against A test for being drunk
  • A customer sent an order to a distributor... was a winner against Blonde in Pain
  • A French guest, staying in a hotel in Edmonton... was a winner against A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer's tedious argument
  • Give a man a fish was a winner against A man with a glass eye is here to see you
  • A guy is down on his luck. He takes his last $500... was a winner against I tried to be a tailor...
  • Boating Trip was a winner against A stupid dog
  • Bonds Mature was a winner against Angelic Love