Blonde in Pain
There was a blonde who was hurting all over so she went to the doctor. The doctor said, ''Where are you hurting?''

She said, ''Everywhere. See?"

She touched her arm and said, "OUCH!"

She touched her leg and, "OUCH!"

She touched her nose, "OUCH!"

"See?" she cried, " I am hurting all over!''

The doctor laughed and said, ''What you've got is a broken index finger!"

A local United Way office realized that...
A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um...no." "-or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted, "-or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?" The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again: "-so if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"