Vote For Your Favorite Joke

Any Last Words?
There was an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman, who were going to be shot.

On the day of the executions, they take the Scotsman outside.

"Any last words?", they asked.

He yelled "Earthquake!" and whilst the firing squad were running about in a panic, he climbed the wall and got away.

The Englishman, seeing this, thought he'd try it, so when his turn came.

He shouted "Flood!", and similarly escaped in the ensuing confusion.

The Irishman thought this was a good plan, too so when they asked him for his last words, he yelled "Fire!"

An Amazing Connection
A 70-year-old man goes to the doctor's for a physical.

The doctor runs some tests and says to the man, ''Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?''

And the man says, ''Oh me and God? We're tight. We have a real bond, he's good to me. Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off.''

Well, upon hearing this the doctor was astonished.

He called the man's wife and said, ''I'd like to speak to you about your husband's connection with God. He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him again when he leaves. Is this true?''

And she says, ''That idiot, he's been peeing in the refrigerator!''

Latest Joke Fight Results:

• And Jesus said unto his disciples... was a winner against A lawyer's dog, running about
• Can I play the piano once these are off? was a winner against An old occupation
• I tried to be a tailor... was a winner against A serious condition
• A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop... was a winner against A sailor goes to a cementary
• 7 Word Obituary was a winner against A sudden change of mind
• A guy was driving home one evening... was a winner against A Change Of Vows
• A man in the army asks for a pass was a winner against Big Man in a Small Town
• A wife was berating her husband... was a winner against Bribing the Judge
• A Dictionary for Women was a winner against A man lay sprawled across three entire seats...
• A minister, a priest, and a rabbi were s... was a winner against Funny Signs