A farmer and his wife went into town for...
A farmer and his wife went into town for their yearly medical checkup. After he was finished, the doctor asked to speak with the wife alone. In the doctor's office, the doctor told her that her husband had a very serious disease. He must not have to undergo stress in anyway, the doctor said. You must do all of his chores for him, and make him nice meals 3 times daily.

You must be available for him, and do things with him, such as watch sports games with him. Do not do anything that would cause him to get upset for any reason. Without this kind of special treatment, he will die. You must do this for at least 10 months to a year. At that time he will need another check-up, at which point he will probably be alright again.

Later, on the way home, the farmer asked:"what the doctor tell you?"

She said, "You're going to die."

Attack Dog
A man wanted a big, verocious dog to protect his business, so he visited a kennel that specialized in attack dogs. The man explained to the kennel owner that he wanted the biggest, meanest, most vicious dog in the kennel, and the owner offered to take the man on a tour of the premises. After they had been walking for a few minutes, they came upon a large dog. He was snarling loudly and biting and clawing at the cage."He looks like he'd be a pretty good attack dog," said the buyer."Well, he's not bad," replied the owner, "but I have something better in mind for you."They continued walking around the premises, and after a while they found an even larger, meaner dog than the first. He snarled at the two men and tried to bite them through the wire on his cage."Ah," said the buyer, "This must be the dog you were referring to earlier.""Well, no." said the owner. "I have something better in mind for you."The men continued their tour. Eventually, they came upon a fairly large dog that was lying quietly on his side, licking his butt. He did not seem to notice as the men approached."This is the dog I had in mind for you," said the owner. The buyer was flabbergasted. "You're joking!" he exclaimed."This dog seems quite tame; he doesn't act at all like an attack dog at all. Hell, he's just lying there, licking his butt!""I know, I know," said the owner. "But you see, he just ate a lawyer, and he's trying to get the taste out of his mouth."