A political man to a woman...
A political man to a woman, "You look beautiful today!!!!"The woman replied, "Thanks, but unfortunately I could not say the same about you.""Sure you could!!" said the political man, "if you could lie as well as I do!"

Bathtub Seizure
Q: What do you do if someone's having a seizure in a bathtub?
A: Throw in a load of laundry.