A couple have not been getting along for years...
A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks,"I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday."Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and thistime he doesn't get her anything.She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"

An ode to old age
There's quite an art to falling apart as the years go by,
And life doesn't begin at 40. That's a big fat lie.
My hair's getting thinner, my body is not;
The few teeth I have are beginning to rot.

I smell of Vick's-Vapo-Rub, not Chanel # 5;
My new pacemaker's all that keeps me alive.
When asked of my past, every detail I'll know,
But what was I doing 10 minutes ago?

Well, you get the idea, what more can I say?
I'm off to read the obituary, like I do every day;
If my names not there, I'll once again start -
Perfecting the art of falling apart