A preacher was completing a temperance sermon...
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365:"Shall We Gather at the River."

Air Heads
Poor Jim is killed in a Boston automobile accident, but happily he goes to heaven where he gets to meet God and asks God if he can ask him a few questions.

"Sure. Go right ahead," says the Almighty.

"OK," Jim says, "Why did you make women so pretty?"

"So you would like them," God replies.

"All right then," Jim nods, "but come you made them so nice and soft and curvey?"

"So you would LOVE them," God replies.

Jim ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did you make them such air heads?"

God replies, "So THEY would love YOU!"