Any Last Words?
There was an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman, who were going to be shot.

On the day of the executions, they take the Scotsman outside.

"Any last words?", they asked.

He yelled "Earthquake!" and whilst the firing squad were running about in a panic, he climbed the wall and got away.

The Englishman, seeing this, thought he'd try it, so when his turn came.

He shouted "Flood!", and similarly escaped in the ensuing confusion.

The Irishman thought this was a good plan, too so when they asked him for his last words, he yelled "Fire!"

A political man to a woman...
A political man to a woman, "You look beautiful today!!!!"The woman replied, "Thanks, but unfortunately I could not say the same about you.""Sure you could!!" said the political man, "if you could lie as well as I do!"