Dumb.com >> Jokefight
Vote For Your Favorite Joke

I can't decide!

Ball Rolling
Three men were waiting at Heaven's gates. Peter says, "OK, guys, pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the universe."

So they all agree and are admitted in. The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was on Earth. Bam! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen.

The second guy makes it another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is. Bam! At his side appears the second ugliest woman in the universe.

So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters of women when they see their third friend walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man. The first two guys say in unison, "How did you land with that babe when we get stuck with these nasty women?"

He nudges the babe and says, "Tell them."
She says to the first two guys, "I lied."

An offense
Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening."Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guiness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later .." And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!?"



Latest Joke Fight Results:

  • A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items... was a winner against A stupid dog
  • Business one-liners 01 was a winner against Before and After in Marriage
  • A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told... was a winner against A blonde bought an AM radio and it took her a month to find out she could listen to it at night.
  • A Fisherman's Tale was a winner against A Bee at a Bar Mitzvah
  • A political man to a woman... was a winner against Funny Warning Labels
  • Bathtub Seizure was a winner against A defendant was on trial for murder. The...
  • A fair deal was a winner against A minister, a priest, and a rabbi were s...
  • An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends... was a winner against Business one-liners 08
  • A Change Of Vows was a winner against A really cold morning
  • A man walked into was a winner against A Real Watch Dog