10 Things You Never Hear in Church
1. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew.

2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25
minutes over time.

3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than
golf.

4. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used
to send to TV evangelists.

5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior
High Sunday School class.

6. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay our
pastor so he can live like we do.

7. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!

8. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.

9. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in
the Bahamas.

10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like
our annual stewardship campaign!

As a sergeant in a parachute regiment...
As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in serveral night time excersises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School. He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation."Scared, Lieutenant?", I asked.He replied, "No, just a bit apperhensive."I asked, "What's the diffrence??"He replied, "That means I'm scared with a university education."