Burglars just broke in
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" [Turn from your sin]

The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. Then the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar,"Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you."

"Scripture?" replied the burglar, "She said she had an axe and two 38s!"

A Real Watch Dog
A blind man walked into a bank with his seeing-eye dog that guided him everywhere. He walked into the center of the bank floor, took the dog by the chain, and started swinging him around his head.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked. The other customers were very confused and some very upset at the way the animal was being treated. One of the tellers ran up to the blind man and asked, ''Sir, what are you doing!?!''

The man turned toward the teller and simply said ''Looking around.''