A very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatrist...
A very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatrist. She walked into his office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely.I don't have any friends, no man will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?""I'm sure I can," the psychiatrist replied. "Just go over and lie face down on that couch."

Airplane Trouble
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."