On The Job Wisdom
1. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.

2. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

3. Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent.

4. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings -- they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

5. A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.

6. If at first you don't succeed--try management.

7. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

8. Never quit until you have another job.

9. Hang in there: Retirement is only 30 years away!

10. Go the extra mile--It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.

11. Pride, commitment, teamwork--words we use to get you to work for free.

12. Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore.

13. There are two kinds of people in life: people who like their jobs, and people who don't work here anymore.

Baseball heaven
Bob and Earl were best friends and had been for 50 years. They went to baseball games together and had the best time possible.

They truly loved the game but they always wondered if there was baseball in heaven and agreed that whoever died first had to call the other guy and tell them if there was baseball in heaven.

Then one night Earl died and then a few days later Bob went to his funeral and came home after the burial service.

Then the phone rang it was Earl.
Earl said,"Bob is this you"
Bob said,"Yes, Earl how are you doing and is there baseball in heaven?"

Earl said,"Well I've got some good news and some bad news."
Bob said, "Whats the good news?"

Earl said, "Well there is baseball in heaven and you can play with Babe Ruth and everybody its great"

Bob said, "Then what's the bad news?"

Earl said, "Well Bob, your starting pitching tommorow night!"