An ounce of brains
A lawyer finds out he has an inoperable brain tumor.

It's so large, they have to do a brain transplant.

His doctor gives him a choice of available brains.

There's a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce.

A jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce.

And a jar of lawyer brains for the sum of $800 an ounce.

The outraged lawyer says, "This is a rip off! How come the lawyer brains are so damned expensive?"

The doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?"

A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer's tedious argument
A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer's tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed the trial along. The attorney had bristled at the judge's orders, and their tempers grew hot. Finally, frustrated with another repetition of arguments he had heard many times before, the judge pointed to his ear and said, "Counselor, you should be aware that at this point, what you are saying is just going in one ear and out the other."

"Your honor," replied the lawyer, "That goes without saying. What is there to prevent it?"