A henpecked husband...
A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don't have to let your wife bully you," he said. "Go home and show her you're the boss." The husband decided to take the doctor's advice. He wenthome, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife's face, and growled, "From now on you're taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and when you get it on the table, go upstairs and lay out my clothes. Tonight I am going out with the boys. You are going to stay at home where you belong. Another thing, you know who is going to tie my bow tie?""I certainly do," said his wife calmly, "the undertaker."

Silly Dictionary
Arbitrator ar'-bi-tray-ter: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at
McDonald's.

Avoidable uh-avoy'-duh-buhl: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Burglarize ur'-gler-ize: What a crook sees with.

Counterfeiters kown-ter-fit-ers: Workers who put together kitchen
cabinets.

Eclipse i-klips': What an English barber does for a living.

Eyedropper i'-drop-ur: A clumsy ophthalmologist.

Heroes hee'-rhos: What a guy in a boat does.

Left Bank left' bangk': What the robber did after his bag was full of
loot.

Misty miss'-tee: How golfers create divots.

Paradox par'-of-docks: Two physicians.

Parasites par'-uh-sites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

Pharmacist farm'-uh-sist: A helper on the farm.

Polarize po'-lur-ize: What penguins see with.

Primate pri'-mate: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.

Relief ee-leaf': What trees do in the spring.

Rubberneck ub'-er-nek: What you do to relax your wife.

Seamstress seem'-stress: Describes 250 pounds in a size six.

Selfish sel'-fish: What the owner of a seafood store does.

Subdued some-dood': Like, a guy, like, who works on one of those, like,
submarines, man.

Sudafed soo'-da-fed: Bringing litigation against a government official.