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10 Good Things About The Flu
10. No one wants to come near you.

9. You can legally take sedatives.

8. You realize guests on daytime talk shows have worse lives than you do.

7. You get away with being rude, obnoxious and surly.

6. You can smell like a baboon's butt and nobody complains.

5. You can shlep about the house unwashed and in your housecoat all day.

4. No matter how bad you feel, it's still better than how you felt after last month's tequila 'n' gin party.

3. Star Trek re-runs.

2. Your dog is allowed on the bed.

1. You get to pass the virus on to those you really dislike.

An American tourist
An American tourist was driving in County Kerry, when his motor stopped. He got out to see if he could locate the trouble. A voice behind him said, "The trouble is the carburetor." He turned around and only saw an old horse. The horse said again, "It's the carburetor that's not working." The American nearly died with fright, and dashed into the nearest pub, had a large whiskey, and told Murphy the bartender what the horse had said to him.

Murphy said, "Well, don't pay any attention to him, he knows nothing about cars anyway."

Latest Joke Fight Results:

• Business one-liners 08 was a winner against Boys and Girls
• An engineer, doctor, and pastor golfing was a winner against A recruit who wasn't really meant to be a soldier...
• Barber's don't exist was a winner against Company Policy
• A guy in a bar was a winner against An Unusual Prayer
• A certain lawyer was was a winner against Billy Gates writes to Santa
• Facing Adversity was a winner against Bottle of Evian water?
• A bad habit was a winner against A Lucky Break
• Actual Answer from a Medical Student was a winner against A Woman's Seminars
• A Night Before Christmas For Moms was a winner against A blonde bought an AM radio and it took her a month to find out she could listen to it at night.
• A doctor is complaining to a mechanic was a winner against Buckwheat