A Lawyer Died
A lawyer died. At the same moment, the Pope also died.

They arrived at the gates of heaven at the same moment.

They spend the day in orientation, and as they're getting their heavenly vestments, the Pope gets a plain white toga and wings, like everyone else, and the lawyer gets much finer apparel, made of gold thread, and Gucci shoes.

Then, they get to see where they're going to live?.

The Pope gets what everyone else gets, a replica of a Holiday Inn room, and the lawyer gets an 18 room mansion with servants and a swimming pool.

At dinnertime, the Pope receives the standard meal, a Manischewitz kosher TV dinner, and the lawyer receives a fine and tasty meal, served on silver platters.

By this time, the lawyer is beginning to suspect that an error has been made, so he asks one of the angels in charge, "Has there been some kind of mistake? This guy was the Pope, and he gets what everyone else gets, and I'm just a lawyer and I'm getting the finest of everything?"

The angel replied, "No mistake, sir. We've had lots of Popes here, but you're the first lawyer we've ever had."

A truck driver who had been delivering radioactive waste...
A truck driver who had been delivering radioactive waste for the local reactor begins to feel sick after a few years on the job. He decided to seek compensation for his ailment. Upon his arrival at the workers' compensation department, he is interviewed by an assessor. Assessor: I see you work with radioactive materials and wish to claim compensation. Trucker: Yeah, I feel really sick. Assessor: Alright then, Does your employer take measures to protect you from radiation poisoning? Trucker: Yeah, he gives me a lead suit to wear on the job. Assessor: And what about the cabin in which you drive? Trucker: Oh yeah. That's lead lined, all lead lined. Assessor: What about the waste itself? Where is that kept? Trucker: Oh, the stuff is held in a lead container, all lead. Assessor: Let me see if I get this straight. You wear a lead suit, sit in a lead-lined cabin and the radioactive waste is kept in a lead container. Trucker: Yeah, that?s right. All lead. Assessor: Then I can't see how you could claim against him for radiation poisoning. Trucker: I'm not. I claiming for lead poisoning.