Attack Dog
A man wanted a big, verocious dog to protect his business, so he visited a kennel that specialized in attack dogs. The man explained to the kennel owner that he wanted the biggest, meanest, most vicious dog in the kennel, and the owner offered to take the man on a tour of the premises. After they had been walking for a few minutes, they came upon a large dog. He was snarling loudly and biting and clawing at the cage."He looks like he'd be a pretty good attack dog," said the buyer."Well, he's not bad," replied the owner, "but I have something better in mind for you."They continued walking around the premises, and after a while they found an even larger, meaner dog than the first. He snarled at the two men and tried to bite them through the wire on his cage."Ah," said the buyer, "This must be the dog you were referring to earlier.""Well, no." said the owner. "I have something better in mind for you."The men continued their tour. Eventually, they came upon a fairly large dog that was lying quietly on his side, licking his butt. He did not seem to notice as the men approached."This is the dog I had in mind for you," said the owner. The buyer was flabbergasted. "You're joking!" he exclaimed."This dog seems quite tame; he doesn't act at all like an attack dog at all. Hell, he's just lying there, licking his butt!""I know, I know," said the owner. "But you see, he just ate a lawyer, and he's trying to get the taste out of his mouth."

A Long Hot Bath
Feeling edgy, a man took a hot bath.

Just as he became comfortable, the doorbell rang. The man got out of the tub, put on his slippers and robe and went to the door.

A salesman at the door wanted to know if he needed any brushes. Slamming the door, the man returned to the bath.

The doorbell rang again. On went the slippers and robe, and the man started for the door again. He took one step, slipped on a wet spot, fell backward, and hit his back against the hard porcelain bathtub.

Cursing under his breath, the man struggled into his street clothes and with every move a stab of pain, drove to the doctor.

After examining him, the doctor said, "You know, you've been lucky. Nothing is broken. But you need to relax... Why don't you go home and take a long hot bath?"