Dumb.com >> Jokefight
Vote For Your Favorite Joke

I can't decide!

A DIET PRAYER
Lord, My soul is ripped with riot
incited by my wicked diet.

"We Are What We Eat," said a wise old man!
Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can.
To rise on Judgment Day, it's plain!
With my present weight, I'll need a crane.

So grant me strength, that I may not fall
into the clutches of cholesterol.
May my flesh with carrot-curls be dated,
that my soul may be poly unsaturated

And show me the light, that I may bear witness
to the President's Council on Physical Fitness.
And at oleo margarine I'll never mutter,
for the road to Hell is spread with butter.

And cream is cursed; and cake is awful;
and Satan is hiding in every waffle.
Mephistopheles lurks in provolone;
the Devil is in each slice of baloney,

Beelzebub is a chocolate drop,
and Lucifer is a lollipop.
Give me this day my daily slice
Cut it thin and toast it twice.

I beg upon my dimpled knees,
deliver me from jujube's.
And when my days of trial are done,
and my war with malted milk is won,

Let me stand with Heavenly throng,
In a shining robe -- size 30 long.
I can do it Lord, if you'll show to me,
the virtues of lettuce and celery.

Teach me the evil of mayonnaise,
And of pasta a la Milanese
and crisp-fried chicken from the South.
Lord, if you love me, shut my mouth.

Amen




A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights...
A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage. There's no sign of the offending vehicle but he's relieved to see that there's a note stuck under the windshield wiper."Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I'm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But I'm not."



Latest Joke Fight Results:

  • A bus filled with politicians was driving through the... was a winner against Can you pay the bill?
  • A wife invited some people to dinner. At... was a winner against Advice from lawyers
  • 10 Good Things About The Flu was a winner against Tongue Twisters
  • A dog for a wife was a winner against Be Politically Correct With Men
  • A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man... was a winner against How To Be Politically Correct With Women
  • A man and his Alligator was a winner against Basketball
  • Blonde Nurse was a winner against A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop...
  • A definition of psychiatrist was a winner against 3 Types of People
  • A Good Mystery was a winner against And God Created ... Pets
  • Business is business was a winner against An honest lawyer