Advice from lawyers
George and Lenny decide to cross North America in a hot air balloon. However, neither were particularly experienced balloonists, and Lenny's mind quickly drifted from navigation to thoughts of how clouds look like cuddly little bunny rabbits. Upon realizing that they were lost, George declared, "Lenny -- we are going to have to lose some altitude so we can figure out where we are."

George lets some hot air out of the balloon, which slowly descended below the clouds, but he still couldn't tell where they were. Far below, they could see a man on the ground. George lowered the balloon, to ask the man their location.

When they were low enough, George called down to the man, "Hey, can you tell us where we are?" The man on the ground yelled back, "You're in a balloon, about 100 feet up in the air."

George Called down to the man, "You must be a lawyer." "Gee, George," Lenny replied, "How can you tell?" George answered, "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate, and is completely useless".

The man called back up to the balloon, "You must be a client." George yelled back, "Why do you say that?" "Well," the man replied, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You got into your predicament through a lack of planning, and could have avoided it by asking for help before you acted. You expect me to provide an instant remedy. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."

100 Reasons To Party
. Because it's Friday.

2. Because your dentist canceled your appointment.

3. Because you can't think of anything boring to do.

4. Because it's daytime.

5. Because it's nighttime.

6. Because it's exactly one week later than it was this time last week.

7. Because you like to make ice.

8. Because you want to annoy your neighbors.

9. Because you're dying to wear your new light shade.

10. Because you're tired of playing 'Charades' with yourself.

11. Because you're carrying a party gene.

12. Because you found the perfect shoes.

13. Because you're afraid your lifestyle is too healthy.

14. Because you never know...

15. Because your place could use a good mess.

16. Because your mother needs something to be upset about.

17. Because you have a sudden urge to limbo.

18. Because your inhibitions are out of town.

19. Because the bank made an error in your favor.

20. Because it's there.

21. Because you need more bean dip in your diet.

22. Because the fun content of your blood is too low.

23. Because you look good doing it.

24. Because you're considering it as a career.

25. Because your yo-yo stock went up a point.

26. Because someone's got to do it.

27. Because you have a bad reputation to uphold.

28. Because your plants want to meet new people.

29. Because fun is a terrible thing to waste.

30. Because you want to try out your new jokes.

31. Because it's your patriotic duty.

32. Because you're going for the party record.

33. Because your roommate got rid of his scorpion farm.

34. Because you need the practice.

35. Because you're not getting any younger.

36. Because the vet says your hamster will pull through.

37. Because you've got it coming to you.

38. Because your life is starting to grow moss.

39. Because your brain needs a night off.

40. Because you never met a party you didn't like.

41. Because the fate of the free world depends on it.

42. Because the universe is expanding.

43. Because your dog is finally housebroken.

44. Because it's the only exercise you get.

45. Because maturity is overrated.

46. Because a party demon has possessed your body.

47. Because it hurts too much when you stop.

48. Because these are your "party years!"

49. Because you're too polite to turn down an invitation.

50. Because you can't boogie to a book.

51. Because you have an overactive party gland.

52. Because the moon is in a party phase.

53. Because otherwise the police would have nothing to do.

54. Because curfew has been lifted.

55. Because the phone company lost your Internet bill.

56. Because you won the lottery and feel reckless.

57. Because life seems so dull without it.

58. Because that's how the dinosaurs would have wanted to go.

59. Because you haven't eaten a million corn chips yet.

60. Because you're suffering from popcorn deficiency.

61. Because you're supposed to be the irresponsible one.

62. Because how else are you going to learn to juggle chainsaws?

63. Because your bank manager finally lifted that death threat.

64. Because you need to get to know more riot police.

65. Because your budgie ate your concert tickets and you need to let the party feeling out somehow.

66. Because the voices tell you to.

67. Because if not you, who else?

68. Because it's time.

69. Because the local committee like you too much.

70. Because you need to cultivate a bad impression.

71. Because if you don't you'll explode.

72. Because you got your coursework in on time.

73. Because your lecturer forgot to set work for the weekend.

74. Because you suspect you're too uptight.

75. Because you need to get ready for New Year's.

76. Because THEY don't want you to.

77. Because it's a long way till midnight, and you've got ten crates to get through.

78. Because you want to finish all the food in your house before dawn.

79. Because someone bet you to.

80. Because the dice tell you to.

81. Because you haven't heard a police megaphone for a whole week.

82. Because you want to meet new alcohol.

83. Because that's the last thing they'll expect.

84. Because it's down to you.

85. Because you spend too much time on the Net and you don't want to develop keyboard withdrawal.

87. Because how else are you going to rebel?

88. Because you just want to, alright, ALRIGHT?!

89. Because you're too tense.

90. Because everyone you know needs convincing you're insane.

91. Because your parrot accused you of being boring.

92. Because you know at least "30 things to do before you're 30" that you haven't done.

93. Because you need good reference material.

94. Because you want to create a false identity.

95. Because you want to prove you can.

96. Because you feel like everyone's ignoring you.

97. Because you want to improve your crime sheet.

98. Because you have a very evil punch recipe.

99. Because because because because... because of the wonderful things it does! (see Wizard of Oz)

100. Because you need to work on your purity test score.