A Dictionary for Women
Aaaack (aak) interj. An utterance upon running directly into a spider web first thing in the morning - and you don't know where the spider is.
Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Balance the checkbook (bal*ens da chek*buk) v. To go to the cash machine and hit "inquire."

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but *he* "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a basketball game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space - if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus, breath push..."

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only trashy women would wear...!

Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers".

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Zillion (zil*yen) n. The number of times you ask someone to take out the trash, then end up doing it yourself ...anyway.

Chinese Proverbs
Chinese Proverbs ======================
A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper. All men eat, but Fu Man Chu. Crowded elevator smells different to midget. He who eats too many prunes, sits on potty many moons If you want pretty nurse, you must be patient. Man who drive like hell, bound to get there. Man who eat crackers in bed wake up feeling crummy. Man who eat many prunes get good run for money. Man who farts in church sits in own pew. Man who fly plane upside down have crackup.Man who get hit by car,get that run down feeling
Man who gets too big for his britches may get exposed in the end.Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.
Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion. Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement. Man who pee on electric fence receive shocking news. Man who places head in sand will get kicked in the end. Man who pushes piano down mine shaft get A flat miner.Man who put head on railroad track get splitting headache.
Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who sit on tack get point. Man who sleep in bed of nails is holy. Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands. Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloon.
Man with one chopstick go hungry. Those who throw dirt are sure to lose ground.