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10 Things You Never Hear in Church
1. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew.

2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25
minutes over time.

3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than
golf.

4. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used
to send to TV evangelists.

5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior
High Sunday School class.

6. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay our
pastor so he can live like we do.

7. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!

8. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.

9. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in
the Bahamas.

10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like
our annual stewardship campaign!

A man was leaving church one day...
A man was leaving church one day. The Pastor was standing at the door (as he always is) to shake hands with members of the congregation. He grasped the man by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him,"You need to join the Army of the Lord!"The man replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"He whispered back, "Shhhhhhhhh. I'm in the secret service."

Latest Joke Fight Results:

• Company Policy was a winner against A Hot Day
• Funny Words of Wisdom was a winner against How To Be Politically Correct With Women
• Business one-liners 08 was a winner against Boys and Girls
• An engineer, doctor, and pastor golfing was a winner against A recruit who wasn't really meant to be a soldier...
• Barber's don't exist was a winner against Company Policy
• A guy in a bar was a winner against An Unusual Prayer
• A certain lawyer was was a winner against Billy Gates writes to Santa
• Facing Adversity was a winner against Bottle of Evian water?
• A bad habit was a winner against A Lucky Break
• Actual Answer from a Medical Student was a winner against A Woman's Seminars