A stolen credit card
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

A Night at the Asylum
Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another one said, "How do you know?"

First inmate answers, "Winston Churchill told me!"

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"