A man goes to his bank manager and says...
A man goes to his bank manager and says "I'd like to start a small business how do I go about it?"The bank manager leans back and clasps his hands together on his gut and replies "Buy a big one and wait."

A man went to the police station wishing to speak...
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"